Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
