And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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