Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
