the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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