if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
