He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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