While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
