i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
