I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
