We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
