Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.