god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared