i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
