This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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