a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
