party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
