The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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