bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
