the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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