Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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