I wish you could order shots online.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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