Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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