Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
