Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
