You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
