I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
