In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
