No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
