I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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