I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
