I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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