Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
