from now on my penis is your penis
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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