She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
