I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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