Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
