Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
