WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
