I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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