capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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