Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
