On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
