I think I died a long time ago.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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