You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
