He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
