When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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