Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
