How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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