halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
