I hate your face
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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