yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
