i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
