Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
