You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
