so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
