The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
