i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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