out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
