I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
