Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Randomize
