I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
