That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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