Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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