So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
