i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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