For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
