She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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